Staying up too late, thinking too much and not getting anything done

I am the queen of the title of this post. Being 'on holidays' from work changes me.

When I'm not working I won't go to bed before 12:30.
When I'm not working petty things take over my brain during the day. Deep things at night.
When I'm not working the only things I seem to do are socialise, sit at my computer, and think about all the other stuff I should be doing.

I just wish that for once in my life I could be organised.
I just wish that sometimes I could feel like I have exactly what I want. I'm never empty, but I'm also never quite filled. There are empty places in my mind. And I only notice them when I'm not working.

I keep thinking, thinking everything until I can't think anything. I won't sleep. I will only think myself into loneliness. I will only think myself into confusion. I can't get any answers. I can't get any clarity. I'm just thinking in circles that I can't break into spirals.

Sleep is the cure - I wake up thinking the thoughts of the ignorant. I wake up with hope for the rest of the day. But I don't want it. Awakeness is an addiction. Sleep is coming down.

The day goes by at its own pace, but I have control over the night.

Time is mine until I sleep.