Too busy to be me

Sometimes I wonder why the people who really knew me before I got so busy still like me. To myself, I seem to have lost so much of who I was before I took on the crazy lifestyle I now have. Moving to the city has changed me. If people can like me in my city form, imagine how much more they'd like me if I had time to be the me that I wish I had time to be. If I once again had time to read books and get inspired and write again (dream of dreams!) and make things and curl up on my beenbag and sleep in the afternoon and hold my guitar just to feel it hold me and play Cluedo again and be transfixed by the inside of a capsicum and give people presents when it's not their birthday and make muffins for everyone and talk on the phone or msn for 5 hours and stare into people's eyes for as long as I can and sit in silence in the moonlight without thinking of a thousand other things I could be doing.

I miss that girl and I don't want to lose her. I know she's there. I feel her smiling when I skip and jump in puddles and drink milkshakes and wear my hair in pigtails and breathe in the ocean and swing on my silent swing and giggle at nothing and get caught up in a painting or a poem and I forget my busy world for a few moments and instead of trying to be something, I just am... what I am.

The picture is a self portrait. I decided I wanted to give my blog a creative edge and really put something of my true self into it. I'm sick of posting the same boring details of my life... "I'm so busy... Lots to do... So much on..."... So I drew myself. Watch for this picture in future posts. It may alter depending on my frame of mind. At the moment I'm feeling worried and pensive. I hope that comes out in the image. Creating the picture was theraputic, because I knew it didn't have to please anyone but me, and it took my mind off...

...all the other things I should be doing.

Is it just me or is there an echo in here?